I sat propped up in the bed. The IVs and plaster that aided in keeping my broken bones intact, restricted my movement. This is the longest time I have been sentient. Earlier, I kept flitting in and out of consciousness, each time I was conscious I saw a kaleidoscope of faces.
The melee of family, friends and colleagues had just left. I felt exhausted from recounting my accident to each one of them. How the car in front of me swerved, hit my car, and my car went spinning to hit a pole, like a pack of dominos. It happened too fast to comprehend.
What seemed more incomprehensible,was Shaurya's presence. When I first saw her in my hospital room, I thought I was once again in the comfortably numb oblivion.
Nobody knew of the incident at the airport or the spat at the cafe, but everybody knew Shaurya and I were best friends, therefore it was decided she would stay in the hospital to take care of me. I would have liked my brother to stay, but then he had to take care of my parents' health concerns.
I brooded over the possibility of Shaurya having amnesia, despite I was the one who hit their head. Her charade of fussing over me was quite good. It didn't give any sign of strain between us. I decided to play along. Secretly, I was glad she was here. It also puzzled me. She was days away from her wedding. Why was she here ?
"So, big day coming up. Huh... ?" I asked handing my bowl of bland soup to her. The question threw her off. She weighed the situation gingerly. The topic of wedding had been diplomatically avoided.
"Yeah... Here, take your medicines." She averted her eyes from me.
"Shaurya, we need to resolve things." I pressed on. "What happened that evening shouldn't have happened, I lost my temper, but I feel I wasn't wrong in getting angry. I never got an explanation, which I believe I have the right to." I spoke in a single breath.
"Where do I start from ?" Shaurya said with an air of defeat.
"Logan. Why is this happening ? How did he drop from the blue ? I... You hardly know him."
"I may not know him much but I know him enough to know he's the one I would like to end up with. I am myself with him, unbridled, for he loves me in spite of all the things I hold against myself."
In spite of all the things !!! Again, that self deprecating behavior of Shaurya. I hope she's in love and not in gratitude. Why can't she see how worthy she is...I'm worthy of her. My thoughts wandered again. I'm being sulky, note to self. "And... you didn't feel the same way for me. Never ? The time we spent, the love you confessed. Was it all a farce ? "
"No... It was real but when you constantly remind yourself that the person you love has no obligation to love you back without getting bitter about it, because you cherish the person, there comes a time when you become immune from the pain, fall out of love. Literature and songs might make a virtue out of unrequited love, but I now know better. Yes, I loved you but with passage of time, I fell out of love, but then Logan came and revived those feelings of love. I wish I could put a finger on what I like about Logan. His honest-to-God ways. He's respectful. He's funny. He's empathetic. but then I could meet someone else who has the same attributes.There's something more.... he's the manifestation of my wish to know unadulterated love."
"Why are you here then ? Go back to your wedding." My voice rose.
"Not with you in this state."
"I don't want anybody's pity."
"This isn't pity, there's something called friendship." She was aghast.
"The problem is, I don't want just friendship, I want more..."
"I can't love the way you want me to love you. Maybe in the right time you'll find the person who loves you back, the way you deserve to be loved."
"I found the right girl, alright." I snorted " I found the right girl at the right time. She loved me at the wrong and it seems so did I. I loved her at the wrong time." I was in no mood to be conveniently benevolent.
" I didn't want to hurt you."
"But, you still did..." Was that snarky Ardaas.
"Is there anyway I could redeem myself ?"
I knew the answer to that. "Stay. Don't go back.Will you ?"
Shaurya gasped and then her eyes went vacant. "I won't, if you don't want me to." She muttered after a long, excruciating silence.
"What then ? Will you forget Logan ? Would you marry me ? Would you love me ? Can you love me ?"
Silence. Again. Excruciating. Again. The silence was like going after horizons, endless and futile. I knew the answer. I know a lost cause, when I see one. I loved her, but I had to let her go. This might be the only way I could show I truly loved her. "Go back, Shaurya. Go back."
"What ?" She blinked away her tears.
"Go back to Logan. I might lose you forever, if I ask you to stay. I will retain the friendship, if you leave."
She looked at me with amazement, she wanted to say something, but I interrupted her. "I don't want any melodrama. Leave before you miss your flight."
" Are you sure ?"
"Yes. I am. Go. "
" I guess, then I got to go." She stood up.
"Shaurya, Do I have a chance to pull off an Akshay Kumar from Namastey London ? "
She smiled and shook her head with amusement. " Goodbye, Ardaas." She kissed me in my forehead.
" Just a plain, simple goodbye. No fancy languages. Who are you ?"
"Adios, mi compadre." She gave an exaggerated wave.
"Adios." I called out and then she was gone. " Mi amor." I finished. " My love."
Yes, I loved her. I loved her when I met her at their first wedding anniversary. I loved her even on her 8th anniversary. I loved her when she set me up with the girl, I ended up being married to. I loved Shaurya a little less, when I came home late one night and found my wife, Ambar waiting for me. I loved Shaurya a little less, when I held my little one with Ambar. I loved her, when her book continued to be in the list of bestsellers for 24 straight months. I loved her even when Shaurya became less and less of her sprightly self. I loved her as she clasped my hand while I read her a poem, as she drifted off to eternal sleep, never to wake up again.
I loved her a little less,
With each passing day;
But I loved her.
Nonetheless.
*********************************************************************************
I was the first groom in history, who didn't know if he was going to be married by the end of the day. Shaurya had said she would come, but here I was, dressed to the best, standing at altar. One more minute, and I would declare this wedding off. As I cleared my throat to draw the attention of guests, piano notes started playing rhythmically. Wait... the piano tones were from the song Shaurya had decided to walk the aisle to, Thousand Years by Christina Perri. As I looked to the archway, there she was. Dressed in an exquisite ivory wedding dress, looking as beautiful as always. Naah... better, if that was possible. As she reached the altar, Christina Perri intoned, 'I have loved you for a thousand years, I will love you for a thousand more.' I knew Shaurya felt the same way, she had sung me this song countless times. Soon, I forgot all my misgivings about her coming precariously late. I was simply glad to be standing in front of her, knowing I am standing with my portal to blissful future.
"You look very comely, miss." I whispered in an exaggerated Irish accent as the minister gave a little speech. "So do you sir." She beamed.
"I, Shaurya Suri, take Logan James Ryan to be my lawfully wedded husband. I solemnly vow to love, honor and cherish you. I love you for the person you are, accepting you wholeheartedly with all your virtues and all your flaws. I will support you in all your goals and dreams. I will share your joys and sorrows. I will be your solace whenever life is rough. I vow to always strive to be the person, you fell in love with. I promise you my loyalty. I vow to uphold these vows till time ceases to exist."
"I, Logan James Ryan, take Shaurya Suri, to be my lawfully wedded wife. I solemnly vow to be your constant friend and faithful companion. I promise to love you unconditionally, forsaking all others, through the good times and the bad times. I promise to protect you and your dreams. I swear to stand by you through the storms of life, aspiring to be your anchor and shelter. I vow that I will safegaurd and hold dear and deep in my heart our union and you. All that is mine is now yours. I give you my love, my loyalty, my faith and respect from this moment on till infinity and beyond."
As we danced to Michael Buble's Sway, Shaurya nuzzled me. " I am so happy right now. I wish the evening freezes."
"Don't you worry, love. We will have more such happy evenings and even better nights." I winked at her salaciously. Before Shaurya could react, I gave a cue to the DJ, and he played Mirrors by Justin Timberlake at which I broke into a solo dance, right in front of the surprised guests while Shaurya smile bemusedly.
I kept my vows intact, and so did Shaurya. I loved her when she smoothly ingratiated herself to my family. I loved her when she put up or rather adored my unconventional ways. I loved her when we cuddled, Kevin and Heidi, our twins. I loved her for her unflinching support as I flitted from one profession to another. I loved her for her patience when I developed Parkinson's disease and wasn't efficient as I used to be. I loved her when I wrote my final poem, for her. I loved her as I stood by her bedside, invisible to everybody else but her, while Ardaas read her my poem, waiting to walk together into oblivion. Even death couldn't do us apart.
The End
The melee of family, friends and colleagues had just left. I felt exhausted from recounting my accident to each one of them. How the car in front of me swerved, hit my car, and my car went spinning to hit a pole, like a pack of dominos. It happened too fast to comprehend.
What seemed more incomprehensible,was Shaurya's presence. When I first saw her in my hospital room, I thought I was once again in the comfortably numb oblivion.
Nobody knew of the incident at the airport or the spat at the cafe, but everybody knew Shaurya and I were best friends, therefore it was decided she would stay in the hospital to take care of me. I would have liked my brother to stay, but then he had to take care of my parents' health concerns.
I brooded over the possibility of Shaurya having amnesia, despite I was the one who hit their head. Her charade of fussing over me was quite good. It didn't give any sign of strain between us. I decided to play along. Secretly, I was glad she was here. It also puzzled me. She was days away from her wedding. Why was she here ?
"So, big day coming up. Huh... ?" I asked handing my bowl of bland soup to her. The question threw her off. She weighed the situation gingerly. The topic of wedding had been diplomatically avoided.
"Yeah... Here, take your medicines." She averted her eyes from me.
"Shaurya, we need to resolve things." I pressed on. "What happened that evening shouldn't have happened, I lost my temper, but I feel I wasn't wrong in getting angry. I never got an explanation, which I believe I have the right to." I spoke in a single breath.
"Where do I start from ?" Shaurya said with an air of defeat.
"Logan. Why is this happening ? How did he drop from the blue ? I... You hardly know him."
"I may not know him much but I know him enough to know he's the one I would like to end up with. I am myself with him, unbridled, for he loves me in spite of all the things I hold against myself."
In spite of all the things !!! Again, that self deprecating behavior of Shaurya. I hope she's in love and not in gratitude. Why can't she see how worthy she is...I'm worthy of her. My thoughts wandered again. I'm being sulky, note to self. "And... you didn't feel the same way for me. Never ? The time we spent, the love you confessed. Was it all a farce ? "
"No... It was real but when you constantly remind yourself that the person you love has no obligation to love you back without getting bitter about it, because you cherish the person, there comes a time when you become immune from the pain, fall out of love. Literature and songs might make a virtue out of unrequited love, but I now know better. Yes, I loved you but with passage of time, I fell out of love, but then Logan came and revived those feelings of love. I wish I could put a finger on what I like about Logan. His honest-to-God ways. He's respectful. He's funny. He's empathetic. but then I could meet someone else who has the same attributes.There's something more.... he's the manifestation of my wish to know unadulterated love."
"Why are you here then ? Go back to your wedding." My voice rose.
"Not with you in this state."
"I don't want anybody's pity."
"This isn't pity, there's something called friendship." She was aghast.
"The problem is, I don't want just friendship, I want more..."
"I can't love the way you want me to love you. Maybe in the right time you'll find the person who loves you back, the way you deserve to be loved."
"I found the right girl, alright." I snorted " I found the right girl at the right time. She loved me at the wrong and it seems so did I. I loved her at the wrong time." I was in no mood to be conveniently benevolent.
" I didn't want to hurt you."
"But, you still did..." Was that snarky Ardaas.
"Is there anyway I could redeem myself ?"
I knew the answer to that. "Stay. Don't go back.Will you ?"
Shaurya gasped and then her eyes went vacant. "I won't, if you don't want me to." She muttered after a long, excruciating silence.
"What then ? Will you forget Logan ? Would you marry me ? Would you love me ? Can you love me ?"
Silence. Again. Excruciating. Again. The silence was like going after horizons, endless and futile. I knew the answer. I know a lost cause, when I see one. I loved her, but I had to let her go. This might be the only way I could show I truly loved her. "Go back, Shaurya. Go back."
"What ?" She blinked away her tears.
"Go back to Logan. I might lose you forever, if I ask you to stay. I will retain the friendship, if you leave."
She looked at me with amazement, she wanted to say something, but I interrupted her. "I don't want any melodrama. Leave before you miss your flight."
" Are you sure ?"
"Yes. I am. Go. "
" I guess, then I got to go." She stood up.
"Shaurya, Do I have a chance to pull off an Akshay Kumar from Namastey London ? "
She smiled and shook her head with amusement. " Goodbye, Ardaas." She kissed me in my forehead.
" Just a plain, simple goodbye. No fancy languages. Who are you ?"
"Adios, mi compadre." She gave an exaggerated wave.
"Adios." I called out and then she was gone. " Mi amor." I finished. " My love."
Yes, I loved her. I loved her when I met her at their first wedding anniversary. I loved her even on her 8th anniversary. I loved her when she set me up with the girl, I ended up being married to. I loved Shaurya a little less, when I came home late one night and found my wife, Ambar waiting for me. I loved Shaurya a little less, when I held my little one with Ambar. I loved her, when her book continued to be in the list of bestsellers for 24 straight months. I loved her even when Shaurya became less and less of her sprightly self. I loved her as she clasped my hand while I read her a poem, as she drifted off to eternal sleep, never to wake up again.
I loved her a little less,
With each passing day;
But I loved her.
Nonetheless.
*********************************************************************************
I was the first groom in history, who didn't know if he was going to be married by the end of the day. Shaurya had said she would come, but here I was, dressed to the best, standing at altar. One more minute, and I would declare this wedding off. As I cleared my throat to draw the attention of guests, piano notes started playing rhythmically. Wait... the piano tones were from the song Shaurya had decided to walk the aisle to, Thousand Years by Christina Perri. As I looked to the archway, there she was. Dressed in an exquisite ivory wedding dress, looking as beautiful as always. Naah... better, if that was possible. As she reached the altar, Christina Perri intoned, 'I have loved you for a thousand years, I will love you for a thousand more.' I knew Shaurya felt the same way, she had sung me this song countless times. Soon, I forgot all my misgivings about her coming precariously late. I was simply glad to be standing in front of her, knowing I am standing with my portal to blissful future.
"You look very comely, miss." I whispered in an exaggerated Irish accent as the minister gave a little speech. "So do you sir." She beamed.
"I, Shaurya Suri, take Logan James Ryan to be my lawfully wedded husband. I solemnly vow to love, honor and cherish you. I love you for the person you are, accepting you wholeheartedly with all your virtues and all your flaws. I will support you in all your goals and dreams. I will share your joys and sorrows. I will be your solace whenever life is rough. I vow to always strive to be the person, you fell in love with. I promise you my loyalty. I vow to uphold these vows till time ceases to exist."
"I, Logan James Ryan, take Shaurya Suri, to be my lawfully wedded wife. I solemnly vow to be your constant friend and faithful companion. I promise to love you unconditionally, forsaking all others, through the good times and the bad times. I promise to protect you and your dreams. I swear to stand by you through the storms of life, aspiring to be your anchor and shelter. I vow that I will safegaurd and hold dear and deep in my heart our union and you. All that is mine is now yours. I give you my love, my loyalty, my faith and respect from this moment on till infinity and beyond."
As we danced to Michael Buble's Sway, Shaurya nuzzled me. " I am so happy right now. I wish the evening freezes."
"Don't you worry, love. We will have more such happy evenings and even better nights." I winked at her salaciously. Before Shaurya could react, I gave a cue to the DJ, and he played Mirrors by Justin Timberlake at which I broke into a solo dance, right in front of the surprised guests while Shaurya smile bemusedly.
I kept my vows intact, and so did Shaurya. I loved her when she smoothly ingratiated herself to my family. I loved her when she put up or rather adored my unconventional ways. I loved her when we cuddled, Kevin and Heidi, our twins. I loved her for her unflinching support as I flitted from one profession to another. I loved her for her patience when I developed Parkinson's disease and wasn't efficient as I used to be. I loved her when I wrote my final poem, for her. I loved her as I stood by her bedside, invisible to everybody else but her, while Ardaas read her my poem, waiting to walk together into oblivion. Even death couldn't do us apart.
The End
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