Do I love you? 3

I fiddled with my phone. After the proposal debacle at the airport, I didn't know what to say to Ardaas. Should I act completely nonchalant about it or rake up the issue. Earlier too our friendship was strained by awkwardness or a little lull but it survived , why shouldn't it now. How bad could it go. With these doubts and self assurances, I called him. His phone rang... and rang... and rang before finally going to the voice mail. I had left him 5 voice mails, three times that day and I didn't get a single reply to any of it for a long, long time. Okay, so he wants to sulk, Mr. Ardaas Randhawa you could take all the time in the world, meanwhile I should get my things done.
In the following days, my classes started. I definitely enjoyed them more than any other I had before. It turned out my fears of living in a new country were unwarranted. The new friendships that were forged helped me slip in to the groove easily. One of my friends was Logan Ryan, yeah the same that hit me with football. He wasn't that quiet guy I had thought him to be, he was a riot of a person. He had an infectious laughter that came too easily. He was witty,carefree and charming. Together with Ciara, Liam, Justin and Juan Diego we initiated a string of memorable times.
On 13th of September, we all went out to celebrate Logan's birthday. We went to one of those famed Irish pubs that sprung like mushrooms all over Dublin and drank ourselves to inhibition. Here I would like to point out that I was more sober than others but it did not stop me to have one hell of a time.We sang along the karaoke until we were hoarse. On return to the campus, the others returned to their rooms but I was asked to stay back by Logan. He wanted to take a walk. On sensing my supposed apprehension, he assured me, "I swear, I'll behave, you on one side of the road, I on the other."
"I'm not worried about that." I said feigning offense. "Lead."
We walked in silence "Some quiet." He said, taking in a breathe of relief.
"It's surprising coming from you. You don't seem to be the one of those people who appreciate quietude." I said disbelievingly, "But then Hey ! Who complains."
"I can be quite with the right person like I am now."
"I'm so honored." I said with a mock gratitude."Speaking of the right person, have you found yourself one, as in 'The One' in Ciara ?"
"What ???" he asked in a high pitched voice. "What makes you think so ? Though harmless flirting has never hurt anyone. Has it ?" He winked.
"There's something brewing between you and Ciara. She can't stop herself gushing over you."
"I've eyes for someone else."
"Ooh... The Casanova."
"Not exactly."
"Who's it ?"
"Someone."
"You know I'll have the truth from you someday."
"If things look up, you'll definitely know, you'd be the first one to know."
We talked and walked for half an hour more before we called it a night.
Before going off to sleep, I checked my phone. 4 missed calls from Ardaas. I called him. It had hardly rung before he answered.
"Hello."
" Hey." I put in all the cheer I could gather inspite of my exhaustion.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't answer you. I had to go to a medical camp. There was a flood and I had to attend the patients, the place was well off-the-grid, so there was no way I could receive the calls. As soon as I received them, I called you. I hope you're not angry."
"No of course, I'm not.You're a Doctor. Emergencies and 100% dedication is a part of your life." To speak the the truth I had been angry, but after knowing the reason for him being incommunicado for this long, it fizzed out.
"I'm glad you understand." I knew he smiled with relief. "Where were you though when I called ?"
"I had gone out with friends to celebrate a friend's birthday."
"Did you drink ?"
"How do you know ?"
"Well, I've heard you gab for so many years. I know how you sound and now you sound drunk."  he added "You were out so late." This sounded like me being told off.
"No, I came early. I went on a walk with Logan."
"Logan... Hmm... And you were drunk." His voice rose with each syllable "You've got no regard for your personal safety."
"He is a good person." I said defensively "He wouldn't have done anything."
"How can you be so sure ? How long have you known him ?  A month or so."
"A month is enough..."
He talked me over," Look, just be careful, I don't want you getting yourself in trouble. I don't want to fight now."
"Fine." And his was the final call and thus ended what could have been an argument.
"Have you thought about the proposal ?" He asked.
"Yes, I have."
"And the answer is..." He prompted.
"I said I thought about it, I still don't have an answer."
"So that's a no."
'No." I protested
"No ???"
"It isn't a no." I clarified. "It isn't a yes either."
"Shaurya, you can be truthful about it. Like you I wouldn't let anything come between our friendship. Not even my love for you. You've helped me through my other heartbreaks. I hope you would pull me out through this one too."
"I don't intend to be one of your heartbreaks." I was in despair, the last thing I would want to do is hurt Ardaas. "Ardaas, can we put this on hold until I come back to India ?"
"This winter vacation ?"
"No, I don't think I would be able to make it this vacation. This course is of only 1 year, I would only come when it's over. So maybe July of the next year."
"I guess I don't have a choice other than to wait..."
"Till then let us keep things as it is... Bye. Goodnight."

To be continued....

.

Do I love you? 2

I was woken up by the sunlight streaming in. For a few moments I felt disoriented, I couldn't remember where I was, and then it all came to me. Trinity. Dublin. Ireland.
I broke into a big grin. A little smug of myself... I dreamt of it and here I am.
The sky although bright had ample amounts of white fluffy clouds. The sun played hide and seek in them.One could see the literal silver lining of the cloud. I decided to take a morning walk to get acquainted with the campus. Last night I had hit the sack as soon as I reached my room, of course, after calling my parents to let them know I was doing fine. Now is the time to explore...
The place was B-E-A-utiful. 16th century buildings, well kept lawns and Boy ! Was it huge.
I was still ambling when, WHAM !!! A football hit me right on the head.
The impact was so intense that it had my ears ringing for seconds and my vision blurred but I could make shapes running towards me. I didn't know I had hit the ground but did when I realized people were trying to get me on my feet. There were many voices asking the same question, "Are you alright ?"
I could feel myself nodding in assurance, but it felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. I knew what I was doing but I didn't feel doing it.
"Are you alright love?" This voice brought me back to immediacy. I looked for the person. Dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, cleft chin but a face with a perturbed look on it. "Are you alright love ?" he asked me but this time handing me a bottle of water.I had a query in my head, why was I being referred to as 'love'. I wanted to ask him but I just nodded again.
"I am so sorry. The ball went out of the grounds. I didn't mean to." He said ardently.
"It's okay. I strayed too close to the football grounds. I should have been more alert."
I turned to go.
"Wait..." He called out. "I feel very sorry for ruining your morning. Is there any way I could redeem myself."
"No... It's fine." Honestly, a crowd was starting to form and I wanted to get away as quickly as I could.
"Let me walk with you to your destination. Where are you going, by the way ?"
"The dormitories." I muttered.
"Good... Let's walk to the dormitories. I have had enough of football for the morning."
"Okay... Let's." And we did, veering away from the crowds.
"I am Logan Ryan, by the way." He extended his hand for a shake.
"I am Shaurya Suri." I said shaking his hands.
"Your name is an alliteration." He said and as if to explain why he made this observation, he added, "M.Phil Creative Writing. Literature lover and a grammar geek."
"And your name rhymes. M.Phil Creative Writing, same here." I smiled.
"Ohh... So we are classmates." He inferred with a reciprocating smile. "I am afraid I won't be able to get your name right. I have heard it for the first time in my life." His grin turned apologetic.
"It is an Indian name." I interjected, to provide him with an excuse for his inability to pronounce my name.
"Ohh... India. I am from Mullingar..." I looked at him questioningly, "Ireland." He said answering my question.
"OK." An Irish guy. We walked in silence for a few minutes. "Excuse me, I have a question to ask." I said to break the awkwardness of silence but more importantly to have my query answered.
"Go right ahead."
"Why did you use word love back there, when you asked me if I was alright."
He looked at me quizzically, as if I had asked in which direction does the sun rise from.
"I have heard it for the first time." I explained.
Comprehending my question, he answered, "This is a term of endearment often used around here, like dear. I hope I have not offended you, I am not familiar with Indian customs." His face turning perturbed again.
"No, no... I was just curious."
He gave a smile of relief. "It seems we have a lot to teach each other. I need to pronounce your name correctly, but it would have to wait for some other day because we have reached the dormitories."
I looked around, indeed we had.
"Okay, so I gotta let you go..." but he lingered, "I can't emphasize how sorry I feel for hitting you with the football."
"You didn't mean to..." I said climbing the steps while he stood at the bottom. "Don't beat up yourself about that." I smiled to convince him.
"If you say so... See you later in the class love." He winked and turned on his heels.
"Sure."
Good weather, hit by a ball on the very first day and the classes didn't start until tomorrow. How would the classes be like. Going by the incidents of the morning, I would deduce it would be normal, good with a bit of bad. But first I need to call Ardaas, check on him and check if my mitigation efforts were successful

To be continued...

Do I love you? 1

"I love you Shaurya...", he whispered in my ears. My arms around Ardaas slackened, I stood frozen in our 'goodbye-hug'. There we were, at the airport, with people milling in and out. He had come to see me off, for I was to leave for Ireland. The abrupt confession had made me incapable to think for few seconds.When it finally sunk in, I broke away from the embrace. I saw apprehension in Ardaas' eyes, I assume induced by the incredulity that I conveyed. My best friend, my platonic best friend proposing me, right now, here. Of course I would be shocked.
"Did you say what I heard you say ?", I asked.
"Depends on what you heard.", he replied.
Why does he has to be this thick in moments like these. I felt myself bristle. " Do you love me ?"
"Yes I do. Do you ?"
"Dude, couldn't you find a better time to drop this bomb?" I regretted my choice of phrase, bomb-airport don't go well. I hope nobody heard me. I rephrased, "You think this is the best time to confess your feelings for me ?"
"Well... I wanted to do it earlier but I couldn't muster the courage and you were busy with your PG applications."
"You couldn't find time in the last 7 years to tell me you love me, but finally do when I am about leave the country. Yeah... I totally get the logic." His face fell because of my sarcasm. I mentally punched myself in the arm.
" This could be my last meeting with you. Who knows, when you're in Dublin, you might fall for a nice Irish guy. What would be the use of me telling you this then ?"
"The same use that I had when I said I love you 5 years ago and you loved somebody else."
"Ohh... you still have that grudge against me but if you could love me 5 years ago, you would still love me now. Wouldn't you ? Don't you ?"
"I don't think so... I put in a lot of effort to undermine those amorous feelings that I had for you. The hurt was too overwhelming at times but I promised myself, I wouldn't let anything come between our precious friendship. Neither my love for you, nor your love for someone else. I am not sure if I feel the same way about you as I used to do earlier..." My voice faltered.
He took in a long breath as if steadying himself for what he was about to say, "So the answer is a blunt no."
"I have no answers to give and I don't have the time to think about the answer I want to give. We will talk about it later. I got to go."
"Yes, I know. I wish for you to stay but I don't expect you to stay. Good luck for the future, become a famous writer. Goodbye."
"I'm just going for PG, I'm not going for a war. ' I'll come back when it's over. No need to say Goodbye.' " I sang la Regina Spektor from her song 'The Call'.
"So am I forgiven for the proposal debacle? I'm sorry." His voice exuded his earnestness.
"And I'm Shaurya." I said extending my hand in a mock introduction. "You were, you are and you'll always be my best friend Ardaas. Nothing in the world can change that. Adios Amigo."
I waved and entered the airport hoping I mitigated the debacle.
     I was woken up by the air-hostess telling me we are about to land in Dublin. All through the way to Heathrow, London I was anxious about leaving everything familiar but once I boarded the flight to Dublin I could give some thought as to what happened with Ardaas. I have to think about it later. Now the anxiety came back again. New country, new people, new life awaits... God give me strength."

To be continued...

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